The first movie on my list is an oldie but a goodie......KILLER KLOWNS from Outer Space. Now this is just such a great 80's awesomely bad movie, and believe me pretty much every movie in the 80's falls under the easily watchable 90 minutes happy go lucky flick but nothing beats this one. First Off they spell Klowns with a " K ", which right there makes it cheesy as anything but it works on so many levels. The basic premise of this movie is clowns from outer space come into a small town and terrorize it by turning all their victims into big cotton candy like things, for those who haven't seen this movie you have to watch it to believe it, Long story short, there's a teen couple, a cop, and two fat kids in an ice cream truck and they're out to stop the evil Klowns, they end up finding out that their weakness is in their nose and if they break it, the Klown dies, so there you have it generally an awesomely bad movie 88 minutes long, and I believe HBO had it on a million times when I was 13 and I think I watched it oh I don't know a million times..........
My second awesomely bad movie is Weekend at Bernie's, luckily for me not only is Cinemax playing Demolition Man over and over and over again but they are also playing Weekend at Bernie's, the jist of the story is two young go-getter's discover a discrepancy in the company's insurance books they notice someone is stealing money from the company, so they go to their boss Bernie and present it. Bernie is impressed and invites the two young go-getter's out to his house in the Hamptons to go over the numbers. Their is a twist though, we find out Bernie is the one stealing the money and goes to his connected friends to have them killed on the island, once again another twist when the boys get there their boss is dead, one thing leads to another and instead of calling the cops a party starts and the boys go with it, only thing is no one knows that Bernie is dead. Throughout the movie, a dead Bernie negotiates a car deal, gets laid, and happens to go jet skiing on his own body. Now this is just such an awesomely bad movie with such great awesomely bad actors such as Andrew McCarthy and Jon Silverman, but every time it's on I'm drawn to it like a moth to light. It was so good they actually made a sequel and McCarthy and Silverman actually got another paycheck.....Fabulous!
My third awesomely bad movie is Kickboxer with none other than the king of enjoyable bad movies Jean Claude Van Damme himself! ......to make a long story short JCVD's brother fights the legendary Tong Po, Tong Po is a tall Asian guy with what I like to call the Asian mohawk, he's mean, he grunts, and he has great 5 word lines to show how vicious he is.......anyways JCVD's brother ends up getting paralyzed in the fight, so JCVD vows justice, seeks the help of a legendary trainer named Zion and pretty much ends up doing Van Damme things all movie long, even though the sight of this should make most men squeamish, it's somewhat enjoyable to watch over and over again........after most of his training is done, he goes to a bar gets wasted with Zion, which leads to inevitable Jean Claude dance which is as high as Cheech and Chong on the unintentional comedy scale, youtube it for proof, he ends up beating the crap out of 15 Asian men doing splits and other Van Damme stuff, ends up sleeping with some hot Asian chick, and in the end fights Tong Po the "old fashioned way" with glass on their hands.........anyways you have the inspirational Nu-sok-ko chant , totally spelled that wrong...anyways that means white warrior, after his brother is rescued and he can un fix the fight he does more Van Damme stuff wrecks Tong Po and a cheesy 80's Never Surrender song comes on..........PRICELESS........absolutely terrible movie that I will always watch over and over and over again........and it also spawned like another 4 kickboxers includes the one with Cody from step by step as JCVD's youngest brother........Incredible!
My fourth movie involves anything with Steven Seagel, I'm not going into much detail here but pretty much all of Seagal's movies are the same their are bad guys trying to get him, and he ends up kicking the crap out of them with his slick back hair, either he is marked for death or out for justice, it's all the same shit, one thing I do notice from all of his awesomely bad movies is that he runs really funny, check it out next time........
My fifth movie is none other than The Running Man, this movie is Arnold Schwartznegger at his finest, now no one is more awesomely bad than the Gubernator!! He is loaded with cheesy lines in every movie, yet we continue to watch all of his movies........I had a hard time deciding between this one, twins, or Kindergarten Cop....but this one had Jesse the Body Ventura in it also! , come to think about it this movie had two governors in one awesomely bad movie!! Wow !! Just Wow! .......... the premise of the movie is it's a futuristic game show where inmates have an option to enter the show and if they win, they win their release and prizes or stay in jail. Now in the future, the world is in trouble, crime is prevalent but it seems everything revolves around this show, it's sort of like the American Idol for 2025. In this movie they are chased by stalkers through this battle ground area, each more hilarious than the next with their fighting costumes, and the stalkers goal is to kill the contestants and the runners goal is to kill the stalkers, picture American Gladiator on steroids......anyways no one ever makes it away from the stalkers they always win, people bet on it like it's a horse race, and it's pretty much Arnold doing and saying Arnold things, anyways because I'm rambling this movie used to be on all the time 10 years ago, and if it came on today I would be glued to the TV.........
My final movie Du jour is Deuce Bigalow Male Bigalow, first off let me say that I love this movie, so did a lot of of people so much so that they made a second one withe Deuce in Amsterdam.........but it's just a terrible movie, I mean I have never ever laughed at Rob Schneider but I always find myself enjoying him for some reason, I don't know how it happens but it does. Anyways this movie is awesomely bad because Deuce who's a fish bowl cleaner somehow falls into the world of male prostitution, only its not as good as it sounds, he ends up meeting one more interesting girl than the next from the 600 lb black woman to the girl with Torrets, but he ends up doing Schneider things and gets the heavy woman in shape and bringing the girl with Torrets to a ball game to fit in, just a few touching moments out of many Deuce moments........somehow I always catch this movie on Starz on a Sundays and it kills the hours between 3-5 pm perfectly, as something about Schneider as a hooker, and T.J. the black pimp turn the trick for me...............
Anyways my neck is absolutely killing from writing all of this in one sitting and working all day, just wanted to share with my audience a little taste of my Sunday experience! I'm up for all suggestions regarding this topic........
TP
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